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Anger: Where It Comes From & How To Deal With It

In this video

About six months after getting married, Kimberly and her husband got into a TERRIBLE, terrible fight…

Want to guess what the fight was about?

A journal. An encouragement journal from Kimberly to her husband. And when she discovered that he hadn’t read it, it hurt…a LOT.

Why do things like this make us so angry? In this video, Kimberly will explain the secret behind WHY we get so angry, and also give specific steps you can take to make it better.

When you’re angry, what do you typically do? Do you burst out, furious? Do you defend yourself? Or do you withdraw…entering into a passive aggressive, quiet trance?

None of these options truly heal and fix the anger, but they blow off the “steam.” Our anger needs to be understood in order to be resolved. How can we understand anger? We understand it in two types: acute anger and chronic anger.

Acute anger has a sudden onset, and doesn’t last long. This type of anger is common and it happens quite often for most people…for example…Queue the car swerving in front of you that cuts you off!!?! Or… queue the deadly-step-on-your-kids-lego. These are silly examples, but they show the quick tendencies of acute anger.

But chronic anger, on the other hand, is simmering below the surface. Chronic anger has built up over time from pain caused by others (or pain caused by yourself). It can be a time where someone told you you weren’t good enough…a time where someone did something to you that made you feel violated, and confused…maybe you lost something or someone… maybe you expected something to happen, but it never did. Any negative thought or negative experience… it all piles up until you collapse under this pressure. This is chronic anger.

Acute anger and chronic anger find their roots in PAIN. Pain from hurt. Pain from being unheard or unseen. Pain of not being good enough.

You see, when Kimberly found out her husband hadn’t read the journal, she felt like she didn’t matter- that she wasn’t good enough. And all the memories of times she didn’t feel good enough piled up, manifesting into this HUGE anger about the journal.

What she didn’t know was that if she had stopped to listen to her husband, he would have shared that he LOVED the journal. And his reasons for not reading it yet, did NOT have to do with what he thought about her.

The moral of the story is that anger indicates there is something deeper going on. And the way you deal with your anger doesn’t just affect you, it affects everyone in your life.

So what can you do? First, ask questions. Think: “Why am I hurting? What is causing me the pain right now- is it something from the past, the thing itself, or a combination of the two?”

Second, deal with the hurt. Speak with someone who will truly listen to you, who you hear what you’re thinking & feeling, and can encourage you.

Third, know YOUR VALUE & WORTH! Underneath your anger is pain- and we are so sorry for what you’ve experienced that has caused that pain. We want you to understand what the pain is, so you can work toward healing it.

If you want to learn more about how to deal with the anger that shows itself in your relationship…we can help. We have workshops, online courses, and coaching that will bring you peace and give you the tools you need to have an amazing marriage – no matter what has happened.

– Workshops: https://marriagehelper.com/workshops/
– Coaching: https://marriagehelper.com/coaching/
– Online Courses: https://marriagehelper.com/programs/

We want to know what YOU think in the comments below. What are your experiences with anger? Is it something from childhood or something recent? How did this video encourage you?


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